My life, a tapestry woven with the threads of duty and observation, found its truest expression in the pages of my "Jurnal." It was more than a mere record; it was a confidant, a silent witness to the tumultuous currents that swept through the Ottoman Empire in the twilight of the nineteenth century. Born in İzmit in 1830, my path diverged early from that of many contemporaries when, in 1853, I was dispatched to Great Britain for higher education. There, amidst the academic halls of Edinburgh University and the bustling workshops of various factories, I not only mastered engineering but also immersed myself in the English language and culture, forging friendships and a perspective that would forever mark me as "İngiliz Said Paşa." This epithet, "the Englishman," clung to me not by chance, but by the very fabric of my being and my close political affinity to England.
Upon my return, I found myself drawn into the heart of the Ottoman state, serving in the Bahriye, the navy, where English influence was keenly felt. My career ascended, from teacher at the military engineering school to various high-ranking military and administrative posts, including mâbeyn müşîri and Bahriye nâzırı. It was shortly after my appointment to the Mabeyn, the Imperial Palace, that I began to meticulously chronicle the events unfolding around me. This daily ritual became my "Jurnal," a canvas upon which I painted the vivid realities of a changing empire, capturing the pulse of Istanbul and the distant echoes from the provinces.
The pages of my diary bear witness to the intricate dance of power and diplomacy during the early reign of Sultan Abdülhamid II. I found myself at the crossroads of critical decisions, often tasked with delicate missions that required a nuanced understanding of both Ottoman internal affairs and European, particularly British, sentiments. The Sultan, ever watchful, often utilized my unique standing to navigate the treacherous waters of international relations, especially when dealing with the English. My "Jurnal" thus became a repository of these behind-the-scenes maneuvers, offering insights into the strategies employed to mitigate foreign intervention and manage the empire's complex political landscape.
My assignments frequently took me beyond the gilded confines of the palace. I served as governor in various eyalets, including Ankara, Kastamonu, Aleppo, and Konya. Each posting brought a new set of challenges and broadened my understanding of the empire's diverse peoples and their grievances. The "Jurnal" meticulously records these provincial experiences, detailing the local dynamics, the administrative hurdles, and the societal tensions that simmered beneath the surface. It was during my time in the provinces that I gathered crucial intelligence and made observations that were often at odds with the official narratives emanating from the capital.
Among the most significant events etched into my diary are the Zeytun Armenian incidents of 1878-1879. Sent to the region, I chronicled the causes and developments of the revolts, the measures taken to quell them, and the delicate balance required to prevent further escalation and foreign intervention. My reports and correspondence with the Sublime Porte, faithfully transcribed into my "Jurnal," reveal a firsthand account of these volatile times, offering a unique perspective on the complexities of ethnic and religious dynamics within the empire. The diary also contains the poignant letters of Damat Mahmud Paşa, exiled to Taif, and my reflections on the years spent governing Konya, providing a rich tapestry of personal and political narratives.
Through these pages, one can discern the anxieties of an empire grappling with modernity, internal strife, and external pressures. My "Jurnal" captures not only the grand political schemes but also the subtle shifts in public opinion, the whispers of dissent, and the daily lives of those caught in the currents of history. It is a testament to an era of profound transformation, recounted by a man who stood at its confluence, perpetually balancing his Ottoman loyalties with the European perspectives he had embraced. My life, as documented in these journals, offers an unparalleled window into the heart and mind of a statesman navigating the twilight years of a grand empire.
