Positives The book is widely praised as an excellent and engaging read that systematically challenges common societal "rules" and assumptions about relationships, identity, and commitment. Reviewers highlight its ability to encourage readers to critically evaluate how well these established norms serve them and to consider rewriting them to better fit their personal ideas and wishes. A significant strength is its non-judgmental approach, drawing on diverse fields such as psychology, phenomenology, existentialism, and spiritual traditions, while making complex concepts accessible through real-life examples and popular media. Many appreciate its role as a thought-provoking guide that asks more questions than it gives definitive answers, fostering self-reflection on topics like self-care, communication, and the fluid nature of identity and relationships. It is seen as a valuable resource for those exploring their gender, sexuality, or relationship orientation, offering a compassionate and patient framework for understanding and diversifying connections beyond traditional expectations.
Negatives Despite its strengths, some reviewers found the book to have notable drawbacks. A common criticism is that it occasionally suffers from relational relativism, urging readers not to accept its ideas uncritically. Some felt it lacked sufficient concrete examples, making the philosophical and generalized content difficult to apply to real-life situations. There were concerns that the book sometimes propagates a specific worldview, particularly regarding polyamory, which might not resonate with all readers or could lead to interpretations that place undue burden on partners. Technical presentation issues were also mentioned, including a writing style that some found too noncommittal or like a series of low-budget blog posts, with frequent self-referential links and less-than-ideal illustrations. Additionally, some felt the content, while valuable, could be found in other formats like podcasts, or that it offered little new information for those already familiar with similar topics.
Conclusion Overall, this book serves as a powerful catalyst for introspection, encouraging readers to actively engage in redefining their understanding of self and relationships rather than passively adhering to societal blueprints. It is highly recommended for individuals who enjoy abstract, philosophical thinking and self-analysis, or those at the beginning of a journey to explore their identity, gender, sexuality, or relationship structures. Readers seeking a gentle yet radical guide to questioning norms, fostering open communication, and embracing the evolving nature of connections will find it particularly beneficial. However, those looking for prescriptive advice, detailed case studies, or a purely academic text might find it less satisfying. It functions best as a template for discussion and reflection, prompting readers to find their own paths and make conscious, intentional decisions about their lives and relationships, while also cautioning against uncritically applying its ideas, especially for those unsure of themselves.
