Across the varied landscapes of Europe, a profound and often unseen force shapes the intimate lives of individuals: the tenacious grip of the couple-norm. This pervasive norm, which posits coupledom as the natural, superior, and fundamental unit of social life, continues to exert significant influence despite sweeping social transformations witnessed in recent decades. It is not merely a cultural ideal but an institutionalized framework, embedded within legal regulations, social policies, and the subtle, everyday practices that define belonging and social approval.
The enduring power of this norm is explored through a detailed analysis of four distinct European contexts: the United Kingdom, Bulgaria, Norway, and Portugal. These nations, each with their unique histories, cultural values, and socio-political trajectories, reveal how the couple-norm manifests and evolves, yet consistently maintains its centrality. Even amidst processes of de-patriarchalization, liberalization, pluralization, and homonormalization, the strength of the couple-form becomes strikingly evident, shaping the very fabric of personal life and citizenship.
At the heart of this exploration lies the concept of "intimate citizenship" and the newly proposed "intimate citizenship regime." These regimes are understood as normative systems that have undergone considerable change, yet continually reinforce the expectation of coupled living. The study dissects how this institutionalization occurs, examining the myriad ways in which the couple-form is supported and mandated, often implicitly, by the state and society. This creates a normative unconscious, where non-conformity can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and anxiety for those who find themselves outside this prescribed ideal.
The lived experiences of individuals who navigate life outside the conventional heterosexual cohabiting couple-form offer a critical lens into the norm's operations. Through biographical-narrative interviews with people in London, Sofia, Oslo, and Lisbon, the intricate ways in which the couple-norm affects intimate choices and life trajectories become clear. These individuals include those who are single, in same-sex relationships, living apart from their partners, or engaged in multiple sexual relationships, revealing a diverse tapestry of intimate lives that often exist at the margins of societal recognition and support.
The couple-norm operates through a powerful mechanism termed "expectation↔injunctions," a composite of social and cultural expectations and mandates that subtly or overtly guide individuals towards coupled relationships. These injunctions are deeply intertwined with other powerful norms, such as the gender-norm, which historically privileged men and masculinity, and the hetero-norm, which valorizes heterosexual relationships. Consequently, these interwoven norms create a hierarchy of intimacy, where certain relationship forms are idealized and prioritized over others, impacting access to welfare benefits, pensions, inheritance, and even housing.
Despite the pervasive nature of couple-normativity, the study also highlights practices and moments that challenge its dominance. These challenges can be consciously chosen and explicit, representing deliberate acts of resistance against societal pressures, or they can be circumstantial, subconscious, and implicit, emerging from the complexities of lived experience. These instances reveal the pliability and contingency of the couple-norm, demonstrating that while tenacious, it is not immutable.
Ultimately, the exploration calls for a fundamental reconsideration of intimate citizenship, advocating for a societal shift that acknowledges and supports diverse forms of intimate life beyond the couple-form. It suggests that a fundamental right to life outside the couple-form should be recognized, akin to the established right to family life. This perspective invites a deeper understanding of how structural conditions produce inequalities in intimate life and encourages envisioning a future where connection and care can flourish in myriad forms, free from the tyranny of a single, prescribed intimate ideal.
